I'm often guilty of not telling the people close to me when I am in pain or tired or sick and then they get upset with me for not alerting them. I was brought up in a very non-supportive environment where you just didn't bother complaining because nobody was going to care anyway. So, it's hard for me to get used to the idea that the people close to me actually want to know I'm hurting and will actually be sympathetic and adjust to my needed activity level.

I'm learning to 'fess up about being too tired and am getting better at saying when I'm in pain or sick. And, I've learned that talking about being sick or in pain with someone who "gets it" helps me to deal with that symptom and move on. Unfortunately, people who are not dealing with an autoimmune disorder have trouble "getting it" and need much more coaching on what it's like to be us. If it helps you to talk about new symptoms, then talk about them. If you're not getting the response you hoped for from the hubby, try talking to him about that at another time and explain that you're not bringing these things up to be a whiner, you just need to verbalize it to help process it both mentally and physically.

It may also be helpful to find some supporters who do have autoimmune diseases themselves (not necessarily a support group, though they can be great). I have friends who have MS, fibromyalgia, and CFS and with them I don't even need to say the words everytime I want to talk about something. They just know and there is comfort in that. Several of my closest friends have developed the ability to know I'm "done", as they say, before I know it. They can just see the early stages of toxic fatigue and tell me it's time to go home. It's so much easier to have someone else say, "we're going now" then to deal with the guilt of having to ask a group of people to stop having fun and leave because I've run out of spoons.

So, to specifically answer your question: In my opinion, if you have a positive attitude, there is no such thing as too much bitching. If you were complaining just for the sake of sharing negative energy with the world around you (that misery loves company thing), then it's time to shut up. But, I'm not getting that vibe, so talk on, sister!!

Sorry I'm so late in responding - I've been down and out for a while, then went on vacation - then down and out again. Hopefully I'm now better enough to return to a resemblance of an online life.

Anyway - It is hard for "norms" or normal people to process what the constant pain, and anxiety of new s)ymptoms is like. I was glad to read that your husband knows the spoons story. Another thing I use is the pain scale of 1-10. (I can't remember the proper name of the scale). Make sure you qualify what the 10 is for the person on their terms. Find out thier most painful experience (i.e. passing a kidney stone [my husband's] or walking on a broken ankle [mine pre-lupus]).

Another thing that my husband and I do is let the other know if we're having a "normal pain day"... ya know the ones where it hurts/we are fatigued but there's nothing new or worrisome to report. By the way, hubby has rheumatoid arthritis and we both have fibro as well.

lastly - vent here, or with other people that are in similar circumstances. I've never talked to a fellow survivor/warrior that thought that someone was bitching too much (other than some REAL drama queens who lied for attention online).

On another note - I used the spoon explination with my brother. He read it and asked me "Is it really like that for you?" I said that it was, and he gave me a hug and said "I'm so sorry. I never realized." Later, on a particularly hard day, I told him I didn't have any spoons left and that I was almost out of plastic sporks... which he found very funny, but again understood the analogy,

The whole point is sit down with your hubby, and find some common ground where he can understand your pain in his terms (like passing a kidney stone) and fatigue (for instance having the flu/strep throat/ mono/ etc) for months on end.

Gentle hugs, and I hope things are better